Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
