Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
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she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
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How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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