11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
