Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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