dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
