I could make wine with my vomit
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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