Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
So apparently I’m into choking now
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
