I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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