I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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