theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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