yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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