i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
