best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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