lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
