She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Dick very happy bro
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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