u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Randomize
