New invention idea: vibrating tampons
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
