Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
