JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Randomize
