Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
