$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
