We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Randomize
