i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
