Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
