If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
