I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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