Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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