I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
