Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
