My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I am mentally ready for anal.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
