You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
