I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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