I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
