You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Found your dick twin last night
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
