I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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