Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
