I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
