yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
