Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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