I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
