Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize