how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
