How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
