My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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