Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Randomize
