I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
im on a boat
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