I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
