The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
