They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
