i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
