You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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