life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
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