I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize