Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
