Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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