Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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