One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
