I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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