I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
