That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
