You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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