If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize