we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
