so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
