you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
