How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
