i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
