mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
