look no pants
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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