and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
