i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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