1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
