I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
