even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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