He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
The best revenge is premature balding
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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