I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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